Monday, October 15, 2007
tell me, how am i going to deal wz u my dear boy........
i was over the moon last night when u told me last nite that u wann to meet up after wk today, because for almost a month i did not really seen u.......
don mention the time that we were at wk, but what u did last nite really hurts............ it really really hurts.........
i thought everything was ald confirmed and we will going to have a wonderful time but no..... do u know ur one msg "i am on the way home....." really tore me apart.......
did u really forget abt meeting me today??? or u just don wann to meet me at all??? i don know..... i really don know........
i walked all the way out of the island while i was on the line wz u, i walked along the bridge in order to get out of the bloody island, and the bridge was like never ending......... it was a totally different feeling when we walked the bridge together and when i walked alone last night crying along the way like no-body business......... it was than i realized how different it can be when we are walking the same bridge but on different time......... the bridge was still never ending as it seems but walking the never ending bridge wz heartache and walking over them wz a lot sweetness is a totally different thing.........
pls..... i have ald gave in a lot to u ald, i have not tried to gave in too a guy for so much and what more we're not even together...... YES WE ARE NOT EVEN TOGETHER...... i don know if u can c or sense it anot but i dare to say what i have been treating u is surely 10 times more how u're treating me rite now.......
and get this clear, why must i get used to ur bloody attitude when u don even gave a damn on how i felt at all....... i don know if u really cares how i feels but i am sorry i just can't feel anything frm u till now....... well maybe yes u did but it only onces a while..... it not enough.....
do u know how i felt when i went over to ur place that day, and when i stepped into ur door, just sat onto ur sofa, ur phone rang, u pick up the phone and went to the kitchen to continue ur conversation with another female friend on the another line and u left me there sitting alone for at least 10 or maybe 15 minutes........ after u hang up, u just act as if nothing happened (not even an sorry from u!!!!!) gave me a kiss and asked me how everything do u know how fucked up i felt that day....... do u know how neglected i felt that day...... i don even think u will know at all i don wann to bring it up that night was i don wann to fight wz u........ i don know maybe u will find i am being childish but i just don like that feeling.......
now i really seriously considering, y don we just maintain the way as we were right now.... will it be better for u or maybe for me..... no commitment to each other, meet up when ever u have the time, do things like all the couples does ya just that we don have the status as "ooh, he's my boyfriend...." or the other way round..... will that be better instead???
n pls, although i know how ur tempers works, but i really don have to GET USED to ur temper at all alright......... i hate it when u told me last night that "u should have get used to my behaviour or attitude by now mah" what u mean by i should get used??? do u ever get used to me behaviour or attitude than...... i told u straight on ur face that i HATE ppl who don reply my sms, but did u really reply to most of my sms most of the time........ NO!!!!!! so why must i get used to all those nonsense of your when u can even get used to mine??????? it's just so unfair...... sometimes u really make me feel that i'm like some cheap woman throwing myself onto u, ya to be blunt as if i am desperate for u!!!!
my dear boy, make up ur bloody mind of all u wann will u...... cos i really really don wann to fight wz u again, it's very tiring...... really very tiring...........
there's ald one fucker in my list of the guys that i met on the island, he's a real big ass-hole, the worst man i ever seen and PLS i really don wann ur name to be onto that list........ and i've been telling myself, the day when ur name is on my list will be the day that i leave this island for good.............. i mean it.....................................
Bernadette Karen remembered on 03:29.
