Friday, December 28, 2007
2007's ending.............
time really pass...... 2007 will be in the book of history in 4 more days, well this year seem to go pass especially faster eh well don know is it because of wk or what ever but, i really realized that 2007 was really a happening year for me......i've been though tons of things this year ,and i also been through the most terrible down period on my life too, my dad was hospitalized because of the tumor in his stomach and the hospital's bills came up to almost a few thousands, i used my studies fee just to help out my mum to settle the bills first and now my studies fee acc now was zero amount, my grandma fell twice and we nearly lost her, my best friend can actually went around telling ppl abt me and told them my most deepest secret to a gang of ppl who were just playing some silly games at a pub, just one silly game she announced the deepest secret of mine to the whole table of abt 9-12 ppl!!! she did came and apologies but come on, if our friendship's only worth like that, forget it, really forget it.... all i can blame myself was to trust the wrong person at that time and put my utmost trust to the wrong person, i am transfer from Sky Tower to IOS at Nov, and the list goes down again frm there cos i really don have e energy to go and type them out , all i can say is other thought that i am doing fine there at first when in fact i am not...... i am not....... but na forget it la........., have attend 3 funerals this year, 1 of them were actually friends that i know, maybe not that close but still do keep in contact, chill out and things like that but when once again the whole gang was gathering together again was actually at his funeral........... seeing a person who u used to know, who used to joke with u, talked to u was actually lying in front of u motionless in the coffin looking so pale and hagged when u see him for the last time, and when i saw his body inside the coffin was moving slowly towards the oven to cremate, tears just came down naturally even through i keeping reminding myself before hand not to cry not to cry, but it just uncontrollable........... i can't do it....... i really can't do it......... that not worse, the worse part is when his family agreed to let us view his ashes after the cremation, what we saw was only a whole tray filled wz ashes and some bone on the table, it really hard for me to believe that he, once a living person was actually on the table, the whole of him..... his face, his arms, his legs, his nails, his sulk, every part of him was on the table but the only things is that all his flesh were all gone, his hair was gone too all left behind was ashes and some bones........ that screen was in my mind for quite a while, even till now.......... the other 2 were also ppl who i know Ruben was another one, but because of him also i have finally see things through in an more open- mind set, ya he was a JERK a bloody JERK but i've to admit that he was also the one who make the sweetness moment in my life, he let me know what love is, for once he made me feel that well i am the most fortunate woman on earth when i am with him, he let me know love wasn't just when one party say 'i love u' than the two of u can be together, he also let me made me realized that in term of relationship u can't compare everything that what he/she have done for u wz ur other past relationship, for if by doing that, e relationship wouldn't improve but it'll just get frm bad to worse and u might have ald hurt ur loved one indirectly by doing all those things, and of course a lot more all i can say being together wz him was indeed the most wonderful one and a half yrs..... but HE was also the one who made me see the most ugly side of him or should i say the most ugly side of the world that we're living in now??? how can a guy actually asked for a patch back when u're ald bloody attached??!!! ya when i agree to go out wz him for the first time, i really did not know that he was ald bloody attached! and when i realized it myself {in a hard way that i really hate it} all i wann was a truth reply frm him, but when i asked him, he denied all the way!!! do u know how bloody heartache i am for that fucking period of time............ my heart was dead when u have denied everything straight when i know u were lying all the way!! at that point of time all i wann was a TRUTH frm u, nothing but the true, what's so fucking hard abt that!!?? frm the day u denied things to me, i've ald decide that i would not wannt to have anything to do wz u anymore but look at those silly?? idiot?? nonsense?? {i seriously don know use which word to describe ur action...} acts that u have been doing! waited below my block, appear out of no where at my work place and say u wann to talk, do u know for that moment i am actually afraid of going back home........ if i'm going home, i have to either walk one big round to skip the car park or rather just go home real late like in the wee of morning!! just to avoid him......But thankful, every of his nonsense was all over, after don know how many rounds of talking and reasoning wz him and finally have came to end as we'll lead our own life separately and we'll still remain as friends. nothing than friends. =)well that what going on for me in 2007, well of course there's some more things that happened but really don have the energy to go and post them down la haiz......anyway i've joined SENTOSA as a full-timer well maybe that some things nice {at least??} to end up this year...........
Bernadette Karen remembered on 07:52.
